Are You Deployment Ready: Your Resources

Preparing for deployment can be overwhelming. Period. You try to get all your "ducks in a row" and try to be ready for anything that life throws at you while your spouse is serving overseas. As much as you try to anticipate what is going to happen during deployment, things are going to transpire that you are not ready for. 


*Take a deep breath*


Its okay, you are a milispouse and you already know to expect the unexpected. Lucky for us, we have resources available to help us.

Fleet and Family Support Centers
This place definitely deserves number one on my personal list because I have used them more times than I can count. The first time I went, we were stationed in Charleston and I simply needed to fax something. Then I went back to get help writing my resume and finding a job. Then I went back to use their printers when mine broke. Then I went back to take a "Smooth Move" class when it came time to PTS. Since moving to Hampton Roads, I have used their resources many more times. 


They offer so many classes it is unbelievable. They offer training for Ombudsman and FRG. They offer financial tutoring: When we first moved here, I made an appointment and sat down with a financial adviser who helped me make a budget. They offer counseling. They are the ones that come out to give families the "Homecoming Brief" and go out to the ship to do the same with the sailors. They have lots of information for new parents. 


FFSC do so many different things to help the families. They are so friendly to talk to and if they can't answer your questions, they will know who to send you to in order to get it!


Military OneSource
These guys do a little bit of everything for the families too, plus you can contact them 24/7. I have used their free H&R Block federal and state tax filing program for the last 2 years. 

They do counseling, they offer 12 face-to-face session for FREE. Plus, it is completely confidential they will not go to your sailor's command with any information (except in cases of abuse or threats of harm to self/others). As a spouse, you can take advantage of the free confidential (your sailor does not have to know) counseling.

They have a plethora of resources available online. Everything from dealing with deployments, financial & legal, to information about education & careers. I like that all of their information is online so when I am awake at 3am with a question I know where I can go to find answers!


Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society
I am finding more & more information about the services this group provides. I always knew about their Quick Assist Loan Program: Need based, interest-free loans up to $300. Like if your car breaks down suddenly and you need help between paychecks. It takes only 15 minutes to get you QAL at one of their locations. 


They offer the Budget for Babies class to help you prepare financially for a new baby. After taking this class, you get a layette aka baby's first sea bag!


I just recently found out they offer a Visiting Nurse program! I was very excited to find out about this because I wasn't aware a program like this even existed. I have a friend who's sailor is deploying, they have a young child, and she will be giving birth to twins during deployment. How is she supposed to make it to the Dr.'s office, alone, for those first few check-ups with her twins? Or how about this scenario: Say I need surgery for some reason and I am okay enough to not have to stay in the hospital, but I am not mobile enough to make it to follow up Dr. appointments with a toddler in tow. This program would definitely be something I would look into. 


American Red Cross
We all know the Red Cross is who we need to contact if there needs to be an emergency message sent to your sailor (don't forget to tell your ombudsman too!). But I want to delve into exactly what the requirements are for a Red Cross message and what that message does.


A Red Cross message is required by the command in order for your sailor to be granted emergency leave, whether they are at shore or out to sea. *However, this does not mean your sailor will be granted emergency leave.* That decision is entirely up to the command and it will depend on alot of variables like if they can afford to let your sailor come home they may need him on the ship and if they can safely transport your sailor off the ship since they are not always in the safest of locales. Also, not all emergency situations are dire enough for a Red Cross message to be sent. It has to be a life-threatening situation to an immediate family member, the death or serious illness of an immediate family member, or the birth of the sailor's child. Unfortunately, just because you are admitted to the hospital may not be enough for a Red Cross message to be sent (this is where your Ombudsman comes in handy because they can contact the command to let them know the situation). 


The American Red Cross also offers emergency financial assistance. They have information on their website about deployment & reintegration and of course they offer quite a few tips about emergency preparedness.






There are TONS of other resources out there for military families. My friend over at New Mommy Confessions has a nice list of information too. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to email me and I'll point you in the right direction!

Are You Deployment Ready: Children & Deployment

Every deployment is going to be a different experience for you and your family, especially in regards to your children. Your babies are growing up, learning new things, and becoming more aware of what is going on in the world around them.

Last deployment, Little Miss was just over a year old. It was easy in some ways because she didn't realize what was going on when Daddy said goodbye for a while. However, after he didn't come home for a few days she figured it out. This time when Hubs is out for work-ups, she knows the instant we drop him off at the pier what is going on and she is not a happy camper.

Here are a few examples of how children in different stages deal with deployment separation:


Birth - 12 Mos.

• Changes in eating and sleeping patterns.
• May want to be held more.
• May seem "fussier"

Ages 1 - 3 Years

• Show regression in walking or potty training.
• Cry for no apparent reason.
• Whine and cling to you.

Pre-Schoolers/Kindergarten Age

• Clinging to people or favorite toy/blanket
• Unexplained crying or tearfulness.
• Increased acts of anger or frustration.
• Sleep difficulties, nightmares, frequent waking.
• Worry about the safety of everyone.
• Eating difficulties.
• Fear of new people or situations

School Age

• Change is school performance.
• Increase in complaints of stomach aches, headaches, or other illness when nothing physically seems to be wrong.
• More irritible or crabby.
• Fascinated with the military or news about it.
• Worry about family and finances.
• Acting out behaviors (getting into trouble with school, at home, or with the law).
• Low self-esteem and self-criticism.
• Misdirected anger.
• Loss of interest in usual hobbies or activities.

All of those are typical reactions to the stress of separation. To me, that list makes my heart ache for my daughter. What can I do to help prepare her for how to handle all of these emotions? 

Children who cope well with separation often have a good relationship with parents. Hubs is trying to spend as much quality time with Little Miss as possible. When he is home, he is very much a part of her day-to-day activities. Little Miss feels comfortable going to Daddy for help and she is not hesitant to cuddle with him when she needs it.

They have a strong sense of self-worth or self-confidence. I am not quite sure how to do this with a toddler, but I encourage her to try new things and cheer her on. When she gets frustrated, I help her out but I do not just fix the problem for her. She needs to figure some things out on her own. When she does, I can tell she is so proud of herself. When Hubs leaves for a long period of time, I try to be extra encouraging. I will tell her "Good Job!" alot more and give her more recognition, "Thank you for picking up your toys, you make Mommy proud! Good Job!". This can be done for children of any age I would think, a little positive recognition can go a long way.

An understanding of parent's job and why it is important for them to go on deployment. I think this concept is a out of Little Miss's grasp right now. When I tell her Daddy is at work, she is satisfied with that response. For older children, its about educating your child about what your spouse does without scaring them or making them worry about their deployed parents safety. How do you parents out there of older children do this? I would love to hear your suggestions!

Dependable communication between deployed parent and family. Thanks to technology, there are a variety of ways to accomplish this! There are things like Skype and Video Teleconferencing (VTCs). You can use email or snail mail. I think the more you do, the better it will be. Our ship did VTCs during the last deployment and I was surprised that not many people utilized this! We also did a video recording of Hubs reading a book to Little Miss, so we watched that every night before she went to sleep. I plan on doing this again for sure it was a big hit! When Hubs was able to call last deployment, at the end of our phone conversation I would put the phone on speaker and let Little Miss talk to him. She was always so excited to hear his voice. If she were older, I would allow her to email Daddy. Helping put together Care Packages is alot of fun too!

An adult who will listen and talk to them. Although Little Miss cannot communicate her feelings to me very well, since Hubs left I  have been giving extra attention and I have tried to be more sensitive to her needs. I want her to know that whatever she feels is normal and okay; I want to try and normalize her reactions to the separation and stress. While it may be agitating that she is so clingy and needy, she needs me to be there for her. 


As a military spouse, we make many sacrifices. When you are a military spouse and parent, you make even more for the sake of your child. While I may be feeling sad and depressed about Hubs leaving, I can't let those emotions prevent me from being a supportive and understanding parent to Little Miss. She needs me even more than ever when her Daddy is away. This is just another one of those instances where you have to put the needs of your children before yours. At first this may be hard, but in the end both you and your children will be happier and more well adjusted to the situation.

Fleet & Family Support Centers have this wonderful DVD & Booklet (for FREE) from Sesame Street called "Talk, Listen, Connect" that helps explain deployment to the little ones. Little Miss loves Sesame Street so I am looking forward to working this video into our routine.

I think it is important to stick to as much of a routine as possible. However, I do allow flexibility in our schedule for when Little Miss has a bad day. I want to work in new & exciting activities for her as well like going to the water park once a week this summer and taking road trips! So balancing out routine and new, fun activities will be my challenge.

When Daddy leaves, I want to do "A Kiss A Day From Daddy" jar full of candy kisses. I will count the days that he is gone and fill the jar with that many candies. Little Miss will get one everyday that he is gone. I think it will be a fun way to count down the days! There are many different ways to do countdowns that involve the kids. I have a friend that does paper rings for each day they are gone and she takes one down for every day that passes.

Don't be afraid to ask for help or suggestions from friends & family when it comes to ways to help your child cope with deployment. If your children are having a really tough time, you do have resources available to you. Fleet & Family Support Centers are an excellent example. Simply typing "Deployment and Kids" into Google gives tons of results!

Every child is going to adjust differently and at their own pace. Just be as patient as possible and use the information available to you for help!


The next post in my "Are You Deployment Ready?" series will be about the resources that are available to military families.

*All of this information I put together from personal experience & information from Fleet & Family Support Centers*



On a much lighter note, don't forget about my GIVEAWAY for the Yarn Wreath with Felt Flowers! There aren't many entries yet so you have a better chance of winning, just make sure you enter by Friday, January 20th at 12:01AM!

Are You Deployment Ready: Your Checklist

There are many different things you need to do in order to ensure you are "Deployment Ready". When you attend pre-deployment briefs, all the information can seem overwhelming. The solution? Makes a checklist. Quite a few things your military member will need to take care, but there are also some things the spouse will need to do. 

*I am telling this from my experience as a Navy spouse that has a sailor on a carrier. I am sure it varies from branch to branch and even varies within each branch itself depending on what your military member does*

Here are some things you will need to take care of before your military member leaves for deployment:

• Is your military ID current and up-to-date, will it expire during deployment? 
• Did you know when your military member is promoted, you need to update your ID too?
• Having a valid military ID allows access to medical, dental, the commissary, the NEX, etc. 
• It is much harder to renew your ID when your spouse is out to sea, there is a special form that is needed from the command to update your ID without your military member present. Please take care of your ID before deployment, notice how this is listed first!

• Is the Page 2 (Emergency Data Form) correct? 
• This is the current family contact information for your military member, this is their "Emergency Data".

• Are you registered in NFAAS (Navy Family Accountability and Assessment System)?
•  This is fairly new, the Navy developed this after Hurricane Katrina because there were hundreds of sailors unaccounted for. When we had a hurricane hit us here in Hampton Roads, we were told to "check in" on NFAAS to let the Navy know where we were: If we stayed in the area or if we evacuated elsewhere. 
• If there is a disaster of any sort, this is the place that will provide information and support. 
• www.navyfamily.navy.mil

• Is your SGLI (Service Members Group Life Insurance) updated and is the correct beneficiary listed?
• This is something your military member filled out way back in boot camp and may need to be updated.

• Do you have a current general POA (Power of Attorney), or will you need a specific POA as well?
• This is a touchy subject, a POA gives the recipient quite a bit of power. However, you will probably need this piece of paper in order to take care of things back home. I had to use mine to renew our lease. I've had to use it to take care of certain things at the bank. I strongly urge you to get this taken care of before deployment because it is not easy to get this document after the ship has pulled away.
• You may need a specific POA: Are you planning on buying a house or vehicle? You need a specific POA for those. I was told I will need a specific POA for EACH vehicle to renew my stickers (NOT decals).
• My Hubs took care of my POA on the ship, but you can get this taken care of at Legal on base. Just remember, you will need military ID, be in uniform of the day, and NO children are allowed at Legal. 
• VERY good information in regards to being "Legally Prepared" for deployment can be found here.

• Do you and your service member have a will?
• Even though we definitely don't want to think about this situation, its better to be prepared. 
• This is something you can take care of through Legal.
• Not completely necessary if you want everything to go to your spouse (if you are married) or to your parents (if you are single) because that is who everything will go to in the event of a death. But if that is not who you want your things going to, then make sure to get a will drawn up.
• Once again, check out the Legal information here.

• Do you know how to contact the American Red Cross and your Ombudsman in case of emergency?
• "When a military family experiences a crisis, the American Red Cross is there to assist by providing emergency communications twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year. The Red Cross relays urgent messages containing accurate, factual, complete and verified descriptions of the emergency to service members stationed anywhere in the world, including ships at sea, embassies and remote locations."
• If you are giving birth, the Red Cross will not be able to send a "birth message" until your baby has been born.
• (877) 272-7337, www.redcross.org
• You will need the following information in order to send a Red Cross message: full name, rate/rank, last 4 of Social Security Number, birth date, dept. or division. The more information the better! 
• After you send the Red Cross message, contact your Ombudsman! They are your DIRECT connection to the command. They can contact the command 24/7 365. By letting the Ombudsman know about the problem, they can prepare the command and let them know a Red Cross message is coming in!
• Your ombudsman also help in non-emergency situations. They are your families source for information & referral. If you have a question, they are the ones to ask!
• Your Ombudsman's information can probably be found on your command's official website. If not, you can find your Ombudsman here, just scroll down the page until you see "Contact Your Ombudsman".
• SHARE THIS INFORMATION WITH YOUR FAMILY. They may need to send a Red Cross message (what if something happens to you?) so please let them know what needs to be done in case of emergency.

•  Do you have a communication plan with your spouse?
• If you plan on using your cell phone to make international calls, make sure it is part of your cell phone plan. 
• There are special calling cards you will need in order to make calls from the ship. My husband always bought his at the store on the ship. He would give me the card's information and I would call the number on the card to load minutes onto it. It isn't cheap, we spent about $200 and only spoke once every 3 weeks. I know couples that spent well over $1000 on phone calls alone. No thank you, I'll stick to emails as my primary communication.
• Have you talked about emails? My Hubs and I had quite the adjustment with emails. He had long hours so I would get an email every day or so, I considered myself lucky. He is on a mission, he needs to do his job so I didn't expect tons of emails. So know what to expect. Also, learning to communicate through email isn't the  easiest. Have patience. Don't start silly fights over email. Its just not worth it! Also, don't send nude pictures. Your emails are looked over and when they catch "no-no" things in the email, they will ban your service member from his email account. At first it will only be for a few days, but do it again and its a month. One more time, banned for the rest of the deployment. Also, do you want your nude photo floating around the internet on the ship?
• Care Packages! They are so much fun to make and I bet they are just as fun to receive. Know your military members mailing address. You can request care package flat rate boxes for FREE from the post office, here. Then there is filling out the customs form. Check out an amazing post here that tells you  exactly how to fill out that pesky form. But please please please do not send expensive items in a care package! What if the box gets lost or gets dropped in the ocean (doh'!)? Putting insurance on the package only covers the box as long as the USPS is handling it. Definitely does not cover when the military gets its hands on it. Be aware your military member will not be the only one going through this package, it will be inspected before they receive it. Hint Hint, do not send nude pictures or anything illegal. 

• Have you discussed a spending plan for deployment?
• Make a plan for what to do with the extra money you will make during deployment. For me, its going into savings. Others I know have paid off bills. 
• Make a plan for spending while in port. Talk about this BEFORE your service member buys you a pricey leather jacket 2 sizes too small.
• If you do not have a joint banking account, set up an allotment. This is easy enough to do and you will ensure your spouse at home gets the financial support you generally provide. Do NOT depend on wiring money. Hello River City! When communications are down, how do  you expect money to be wired?
• If you have credit card debt, talk to your creditors. Deployed service members qualify for lower interest rates while they are deployed.
• Will taxes be due? You can file for an extension if your service member will be deployed when taxes are due. If you plan on filing for your service member and are not filing jointly, you will need a POA to get this done. 
• Do you have an emergency fund set up? I swear things always break the moment Hubs sails away into the sunset. We have an emergency fund, but not everyone does. Consider filling out a preauthorization from Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society for financial assistance. You can authorize up to $3,000 in an interest free loan. 

Well that is alot of information, probably one of my longest posts! But there is alot to do in order to be as prepared as possible for deployment. So start working of completing this checklist, you will feel better as you check off each one I promise. Nothing will take away the loneliness you will feel when your service member deploys, but the last thing you want to do is have a situation come up and have problems getting it all taken care of. 

The next post in this series will be (much shorter I hope!) about how to deal with Children & Deployment.