50 Shades, a Long Car Ride, and Lots of Time to Think

*This blog post is a little more risque than most, you have been warned*

This weekend I made my first long road trip, just me and Little Miss. I don't know how people made such long car rides with kids before portable dvd players were around, between Dora and the Disney princesses my daughter was very entertained! This trip, I listened to audio books from my iPod. I cannot thank Alex enough for suggesting this, it made the trip go by so much quicker! 


I decided to be a little risque and I downloaded the first two books from the very much talked about "50 Shades of Grey" series. Before you get your panties in a twist (hehehe), my daughter had her own headphones on the entire time. 

After completing the first book, I have a few thoughts:

"Oh my!"

What is it about Washington state...with people like Mr. Grey, sparkly vampires, and muscled wolves as residents, why haven't I moved there yet?!

I will now refer to Hubs as "Mr. Jefferson" because it sounds alot sexier after reading this novel. 

I can see why this book has been so wildly successful: Its one of the few times a book with this subject matter has been so mainstream. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and practices when it comes to what they do in the bedroom (or in the elevator, or in the bath tub...). In my opinion, as Americans we are kind of prudish in comparison to the rest of the world. Did you know in our country, movies with sexual situations are given a harsher movie rating than movies with violence? That is absurd to me because, let's face it, most people will be involved in a sexual situation in their lifetime. 

This book also talks about BDSM (bondage/discipline, sadism/masochism) and the power roles that go along with it. Lets consider the typical housewife that reads this novel: They spend their days running the household. They shuffle their children between summer camps, school, and/or extracurricular activities. They do the grocery shopping, they prepare the meals. They make most of the decisions, they are in charge. Their husband comes home from a long day at work and they are exhausted as well. By the time the day is over, there is not much time or energy for passion between the sheets with their spouse. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not frowning upon this or trying to make is seem so mundane. To have a family, to be able to keep them healthy and happy, this is an ideal that most of us strive for. But wouldn't a story like "50 Shades of Grey" be a great escape from the monotony that this day-to-day lifestyle can bring? To have some millionaire sweep you off your feet and take away the stress of making the decisions, especially in the bedroom? To have someone tell you how much they desire you? I'm not all about some man telling me what to eat, when to eat, and what I can wear. But a man making all the decisions in the bedroom? Well that's an idea that may appeal to women out there that are willing to relinquish some of their decision-making responsibilities.


I bet when alot of you first married your husband there were plenty of passion-filled nights. I bet there was lots of flirting and suggestive innuendo. Remember? But as with most couples, over time we fill our lives with so many other things. Not that passion isn't just as important as it was before, it just takes a back-burner to our busy lives. The novel reminds us of those lustful beginnings and encourages us to rekindle them. This story plants a seed in our minds and opens up the possibility of trying new things, maybe not so "vanilla" as we may be accustomed to. But who better to try those things out with than someone you love and trust, like a spouse?


For all of those reasons and probably a few more, I believe is why "50 Shades" resonates so loudly with women. I don't think the book is spectacularly written and I find Ana's character annoying & immature. Though her innocence and insight are refreshing at times. I just find it hard to believe that someone who's had multiple stepdad's and a roomate who has obviously had men stay over night a few times can be so naive and not at least curious about sex. Overall, the book was an interesting read to say the least. I read it out of sheer curiosity, I wanted to see what all the hype was about. Besides the kinky sex scenes, the underlying love story kept me reading. They both show one another a side of themselves they didn't know existed. Who doesn't love a story where both characters save each other?


On the news the other day, they were talking about the "50 Shades" series and about the baby boom it has inspired. Here are my thoughts: Lots of lonely ladies reading these books plus a long deployment equals a HUGE baby boom after homecoming. Looks like the delivery rooms around here are going to have their hands full! 

Where My Wandering Thoughts Take Me

Tonight my family was invited over to our minister's house for dinner. While dinner was cooking, they took Little Miss and I for a ride on the golf cart around the neighborhood. While we were carting around the neighborhood and I was looking at all the houses I was thinking about the "normal" sort of lives the people that live in those houses have.

To me, this means everyday the mom & dad go to work or maybe one of them stays home, the kids go to school, dinner is prepared, kids come home to do homework, dad comes home and is greeted by a kiss from his wife and hugs from his kids. They eat together around a dinner table and talk about what happened at school, what happened at work. They spend time together as a family, the kids go to bed and the parents steal a few moments for themselves before going to sleep. Then rinse and repeat, every day.

At first, I was envious about their monotonous, dependable routine. How nice it must be to be able to plan for weeks or months ahead. To be able to depend on dad being there to attend school functions, take the kids to soccer practice, take care of household repairs, and take his wife out for an occasional dinner date. Then I thought about how boring that might get, how they must be so used to seeing each other every day that they probably take it all for granted, they probably don't realize how lucky they have it. That is something I won't have to worry about. After these back to back deployments, my husband and I truly know how important and valuable our time together really is. We also know how much of a waste it is to worry about the small stuff. We know how to keep our love alive while we spend months apart.

How many people get the chance to fall in love with their partner all over again? That is one opportunity that these deployments have given me. We have been forced to prove our love for one another without physical touch. Without being able to pick up the phone and instantly be in contact or shoot a quick text. Our time apart could be the excuse for our bond to deteriorate, instead it has only made us grow stronger as a couple. Hubs has proven to me time and time again that he is just as deeply in love with me as I am with him. And he manages to do that through emails and a handful of phone calls. From thousands of miles away, I know he has my back. He is still my shoulder to cry on, though I do miss his arms swallowing me in a hug.

It was startling to realize how different life is here compared to life in a military community like Hampton Roads. If I would have made this cart ride down a neighborhood street in Virginia Beach, chances are those families are going through a deployment or preparing for one. It is also crazy to think that someday soon, we will be civilians. It will be the start of a whole new lifestyle for us. Though I welcome the day Hubs starts to come home every night and have our kids (yup, that means more than one something we need to work on once he gets home...) tackle him as he walks through the door on a daily basis, I know we will never be one of those "normal" families. We have been through so much as a military family and I thank God for all the lessons we have learned so early on to prepare us for whatever lies ahead.

I love my sailor so much and I think about him all the time. Even at seemingly mundane time like a golf cart ride through suburbia, my thoughts always seem to come back to him. 

Deployment #2 on the Horizon

It finally set in the Deployment #2 is coming up fast. I haven't even really had a chance to adjust to Hubs being home; He came home with an inguinal hernia so standing up for long periods of time bothered him, lifting Little Miss hurt, as well as a long list of other things. It definitely limited what we could do once he came home. He finally had the double hernia repaired last week and he's on 2 weeks of bedrest. So yes, he has been home, but his ass has been planted on the couch until he heals. By the time he is fully healed up, it'll be time for him to leave again but hopefully for the last time.

My husband warned me before the deployment that some marriages don't make it. Not that he had any doubts about us, but he wanted me to be prepared for it when I saw friends' marriages break. Seasoned Navy wives told me the same thing. I guess distance doesn't always make the heart grow fonder.

But I was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for, was coping with life AFTER deployment. I'm not going to sugar coat things, it isn't easy. I've seen more relationships break after deployment than while the ship was away. This totally blows me away, even though things haven't been all sunshine and rainbows since Hubs has been home it hasn't been anything catastrophic. I don't think a day goes by that we don't argue about something. No major huge fights or anything like that, it generally goes like this: "Did you really not wash off your dish before you put it in the dishwasher?!" or "Why can't you put your dirty clothes IN the laundry basket instead of right outside it?". See nothing too serious. Hubs has actually been super helpful since he came home: He cleans the kitchen every night after I make dinner, he takes out the garbage and takes care of the furry kids without me asking, we wash our cars once a week now, he even volunteers to vacuum or mow the lawn before I even ask. But I do have to admit, life with Hubs home is a different kind of tough then when he was away. 

When he was gone, we missed each other like crazy and the distance was kind of romanticized. I was counting down to the hour to his return. The first week was pretty damn near perfect, minus the whole hernia thing. Then real life started back. I had to share MY space, there was someone snoring in MY bed. There was another mouth to feed. Another person to fight over the TV with. I know there were adjustments on Hubs end too, he was used to being told what to do daily. Then he came home and I wanted him to plan everything because I was tired of planning daily activities for over 6 months. We are getting used to be around one another again. 

I had just assumed life to return to the way it was before he left. But I should have known that would've been impossible. Life happens during deployment. We both had to change and adapt to our new circumstances. I had to become more independent and self-reliant. Hubs experiences on the ship changed him as well. Now its just a matter of embracing the "new us". And I had better do that pretty quick-like before Hubs leaves again!

For those of you out there that are having a hard time adjusting to your sailor being home or if you are having any sort of problems, you have resources available to you for FREE! Please check out Fleet and Family Support, they offer confidential counseling by professional, licensed clinicians that is free of charge to active duty personnel and family members.

A Tale of Two Rings

Today has not been the best of days...Little Miss was not so happy today and I did more Christmas shopping. I consider myself extremely lucky because normally she has a very sweet personality and is quite easygoing. I guess if I were cutting teeth, going through a growth spurt, and going through Daddy withdrawals I'd be unhappy too. Her Daddy withdrawals usually hit around Day 3 and then wane from there. On the plus side of my day, I only have 3 gifts left to buy! One of them I have to get by the end of the week but the other 2 can wait until next paycheck. Phew! While I was out shopping today, I got a more than normal amount of compliments about my wedding ring. No, I'm not bragging. Its just my wedding ring isn't your average ring because it has sapphires on it and people notice it; Especially this time of the year when people are out jewelry shopping! So with a day like today, I decided blogging about my wedding rings would help put my bad day out of my mind and remind me to look at the bigger picture.

When you find out one of your friends is engaged, what is (generally) the first question thing you ask? LET ME SEE THE RING!! Then comes the "ooohs" and "ahhhs", its so pretty, its so sparkly! Usually that is where the ring conversation ends. The ring I was proposed to with was not brand new. My husband didn't nervously go into a jewelry store and spent his life savings on a ring. My ring is a "hand me down", but to me this makes it that much more special. My ring belonged to a very special person that I will never get to meet. Her life ended tragically before I came into my husbands life. She was a restaurant manager and her life ended at the hands of a disgruntled employee. I don't know much about her because it is still so hard for my husband to talk about. From what I do know, she was extremely kind, loving, and devoted. She was my brother-in-laws wife and my husbands best friend. The very few occasions I have been able to get my hubs to open up about her, I can see the love and hurt in his eyes. You know how they say that the eyes are the window to the soul? I believe this. I can see he really truly loved her and I doubt he will ever really get over the loss. So when he proposed to me, I think I was in more shock because he was giving me HER ring. And as coincidence would have it, sapphires are my birthstone and I think they were her birthstones as well.This is the ring I wear on my left hand.

On my right hand, I wear the wedding ring that belonged to my husbands birth mother. Her light dimmed long before the world was ready for it to go out. She passed away when my husband was an infant so all he knows about her is from pictures and stories. She was beautiful. I'm not just saying this because its rude to speak ill of the dead, she was really beautiful. She had a smile that looked like it would light up a room. That is something she passed on to her son. This Thanksgiving my hubs "mom" (he was taken in by his maternal grandparents) gave us a big bin of pictures of her. Little Miss has her eyes. We couldn't figure out where they came from but now we know. This ring was given to me very shortly after we were engaged. We were going to try to figure out a way to make it into a necklace, but we've decided to keep it a ring. I want to pass it down to Little Miss one day. 

To me, my rings are not just props used in a ceremony or part of a custom in western civilization. They mean as much to me as my marriage does. When I look down at my hands or whenever I spin these rings out of nervous habit, I'm reminded of the amazing women that are no longer here and it makes me want to make up for the lives they missed. I know they are looking down on my husband every day; I know they are both his guardian angels. Wearing these rings reminds me that I should strive to be the best person I can be. If I don't, in a way I'm dishonoring their memory. It puts a bit of responsibility on my shoulders because not only would I let my husband down, I would let down his entire family. 

I hope everyone has a great week and I hope you have someone warm to cuddle up to!