50 Shades, a Long Car Ride, and Lots of Time to Think

*This blog post is a little more risque than most, you have been warned*

This weekend I made my first long road trip, just me and Little Miss. I don't know how people made such long car rides with kids before portable dvd players were around, between Dora and the Disney princesses my daughter was very entertained! This trip, I listened to audio books from my iPod. I cannot thank Alex enough for suggesting this, it made the trip go by so much quicker! 


I decided to be a little risque and I downloaded the first two books from the very much talked about "50 Shades of Grey" series. Before you get your panties in a twist (hehehe), my daughter had her own headphones on the entire time. 

After completing the first book, I have a few thoughts:

"Oh my!"

What is it about Washington state...with people like Mr. Grey, sparkly vampires, and muscled wolves as residents, why haven't I moved there yet?!

I will now refer to Hubs as "Mr. Jefferson" because it sounds alot sexier after reading this novel. 

I can see why this book has been so wildly successful: Its one of the few times a book with this subject matter has been so mainstream. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and practices when it comes to what they do in the bedroom (or in the elevator, or in the bath tub...). In my opinion, as Americans we are kind of prudish in comparison to the rest of the world. Did you know in our country, movies with sexual situations are given a harsher movie rating than movies with violence? That is absurd to me because, let's face it, most people will be involved in a sexual situation in their lifetime. 

This book also talks about BDSM (bondage/discipline, sadism/masochism) and the power roles that go along with it. Lets consider the typical housewife that reads this novel: They spend their days running the household. They shuffle their children between summer camps, school, and/or extracurricular activities. They do the grocery shopping, they prepare the meals. They make most of the decisions, they are in charge. Their husband comes home from a long day at work and they are exhausted as well. By the time the day is over, there is not much time or energy for passion between the sheets with their spouse. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not frowning upon this or trying to make is seem so mundane. To have a family, to be able to keep them healthy and happy, this is an ideal that most of us strive for. But wouldn't a story like "50 Shades of Grey" be a great escape from the monotony that this day-to-day lifestyle can bring? To have some millionaire sweep you off your feet and take away the stress of making the decisions, especially in the bedroom? To have someone tell you how much they desire you? I'm not all about some man telling me what to eat, when to eat, and what I can wear. But a man making all the decisions in the bedroom? Well that's an idea that may appeal to women out there that are willing to relinquish some of their decision-making responsibilities.


I bet when alot of you first married your husband there were plenty of passion-filled nights. I bet there was lots of flirting and suggestive innuendo. Remember? But as with most couples, over time we fill our lives with so many other things. Not that passion isn't just as important as it was before, it just takes a back-burner to our busy lives. The novel reminds us of those lustful beginnings and encourages us to rekindle them. This story plants a seed in our minds and opens up the possibility of trying new things, maybe not so "vanilla" as we may be accustomed to. But who better to try those things out with than someone you love and trust, like a spouse?


For all of those reasons and probably a few more, I believe is why "50 Shades" resonates so loudly with women. I don't think the book is spectacularly written and I find Ana's character annoying & immature. Though her innocence and insight are refreshing at times. I just find it hard to believe that someone who's had multiple stepdad's and a roomate who has obviously had men stay over night a few times can be so naive and not at least curious about sex. Overall, the book was an interesting read to say the least. I read it out of sheer curiosity, I wanted to see what all the hype was about. Besides the kinky sex scenes, the underlying love story kept me reading. They both show one another a side of themselves they didn't know existed. Who doesn't love a story where both characters save each other?


On the news the other day, they were talking about the "50 Shades" series and about the baby boom it has inspired. Here are my thoughts: Lots of lonely ladies reading these books plus a long deployment equals a HUGE baby boom after homecoming. Looks like the delivery rooms around here are going to have their hands full! 

Where My Wandering Thoughts Take Me

Tonight my family was invited over to our minister's house for dinner. While dinner was cooking, they took Little Miss and I for a ride on the golf cart around the neighborhood. While we were carting around the neighborhood and I was looking at all the houses I was thinking about the "normal" sort of lives the people that live in those houses have.

To me, this means everyday the mom & dad go to work or maybe one of them stays home, the kids go to school, dinner is prepared, kids come home to do homework, dad comes home and is greeted by a kiss from his wife and hugs from his kids. They eat together around a dinner table and talk about what happened at school, what happened at work. They spend time together as a family, the kids go to bed and the parents steal a few moments for themselves before going to sleep. Then rinse and repeat, every day.

At first, I was envious about their monotonous, dependable routine. How nice it must be to be able to plan for weeks or months ahead. To be able to depend on dad being there to attend school functions, take the kids to soccer practice, take care of household repairs, and take his wife out for an occasional dinner date. Then I thought about how boring that might get, how they must be so used to seeing each other every day that they probably take it all for granted, they probably don't realize how lucky they have it. That is something I won't have to worry about. After these back to back deployments, my husband and I truly know how important and valuable our time together really is. We also know how much of a waste it is to worry about the small stuff. We know how to keep our love alive while we spend months apart.

How many people get the chance to fall in love with their partner all over again? That is one opportunity that these deployments have given me. We have been forced to prove our love for one another without physical touch. Without being able to pick up the phone and instantly be in contact or shoot a quick text. Our time apart could be the excuse for our bond to deteriorate, instead it has only made us grow stronger as a couple. Hubs has proven to me time and time again that he is just as deeply in love with me as I am with him. And he manages to do that through emails and a handful of phone calls. From thousands of miles away, I know he has my back. He is still my shoulder to cry on, though I do miss his arms swallowing me in a hug.

It was startling to realize how different life is here compared to life in a military community like Hampton Roads. If I would have made this cart ride down a neighborhood street in Virginia Beach, chances are those families are going through a deployment or preparing for one. It is also crazy to think that someday soon, we will be civilians. It will be the start of a whole new lifestyle for us. Though I welcome the day Hubs starts to come home every night and have our kids (yup, that means more than one something we need to work on once he gets home...) tackle him as he walks through the door on a daily basis, I know we will never be one of those "normal" families. We have been through so much as a military family and I thank God for all the lessons we have learned so early on to prepare us for whatever lies ahead.

I love my sailor so much and I think about him all the time. Even at seemingly mundane time like a golf cart ride through suburbia, my thoughts always seem to come back to him. 

How Do You Say "I Love You"?

With all the emails Hubs and I exchange during deployment, I find that saying "I Love You" gets rather monotonous. While I mean it with all of my heart every time I say it (or type it), I worry that the meaning gets lost when this phrase gets so casually tossed around in today's society.

To change things up, this deployment I am sending Hubs an love quote each day. I feel like at this point, none of my material is original anymore! Poets, authors, and songwriters do such a great job I decided to borrow their words. 

“The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected.” 

“I love you, not just for now, but for always, and I dream of the day that you’ll take me in your arms again.” 

“While I sleep, I dream of you, and when I wake, I long to hold you in my arms. If anything, our time apart has only made me more certain that I want to spend my nights by your side, and my days with your heart.”

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever” 

“Sometimes you have to be apart from people you love, but that doesn't make you love them any less. Sometimes you love them more.” 

Those are a few of my favorites, I believe they are all from Nicholas Sparks. What I have been doing is looking up quotes online and putting them in emails in my Drafts folder so I can simply send one of the each day.

I find it interesting how other people describe love and the things people do to express it. I think it is important to tell the person you love how you feel as often as possible, but also in many different ways. It kind of spices things up! I am also thinking about sending actual love letters to Hubs, I didn't do that last deployment so maybe something to new to surprise him.


What ways do you show someone you care if they are thousands of miles away? I want to hear your ideas!